Here, we begin a series on “your most annoying child.” Everyone has one! Just as we should not play favorites, it’s bad form to play least favorites. This is not information you should spend time consciously dwelling on or air publicly to the great embarrassment of everyone involved. But acknowledging what you already know to be true is helpful rather than hiding from it and overcompensating in detrimental ways.
The good news is, that “most annoying child,” assuming you have more than one child, will change throughout the day. Ideally, that crown of unlikability passes quickly between us. And as much as we flee from the fact, it remains unavoidable that annoying children are unlikeable. Colin and Mary of “The Secret Garden” are annoying due to parental neglect and ill health, yet that does not change the fact that no one wants to be around them until they start to learn how to be more amiable and pleasant.
How, then, do we encourage pleasantness and likeability in our children? Addressing the underlying causes of dysregulation and unhappiness can improve many of the most troublesome behaviors in our children. There are no miracles, and we should curb our expectations, but modest improvement from an individual child’s starting point can greatly improve the quality of life for all involved.
If you accept that premise, we are faced with the question: What is that kid’s problem? We should probably not think of any person as having one, singular problem. People are meant to grow and mature, not be “solved.” That said, there are many different areas of hygiene and habits that can significantly improve. Over the coming weeks, we will add tools to the toolbox of reorienting family life to enjoyable togetherness instead of everyone accommodating or fleeing the most unpleasant one in the mix at any given time.
The questions and strategies ahead are not just for children. As someone who lived briefly as a companion for a centenarian, I wish I had known these principles to help people susceptible to physical and mental instability. There are also times when we are the people susceptible to such volatility, and the strategies also can help us.
Each person has unique gifts and talents. Being annoying is not one of them. When we civilize our children and help them on the path to overcoming their faults, a path that will likely be lifelong, we help them to live more fully, grow closer to others, and experience more joy.
