Years ago, I wrote about the question “Why Does My Child Scream Uncontrollably?” This question followed a disorienting interaction I had with a mother who stated she would be seeking out a behaviorist for her young son “because he should know how to talk about what he’s feeling.” As if the lack of rest and order that induces a person to writhe on the floor screaming as loudly as physically possible can be cleared up with a few neat sentences about one’s feelings.
No, I don’t buy it. My meandering, philosophical thoughts on children screaming faced the accusation that I didn’t offer any practical solutions. True. But before getting to the practical strategies, which I will lay out in a series on dealing with “annoying” children, it’s worth looking at the bird’s eye view: why, in a time of such abundance and prosperity, are so many people so agitated and distressed?
The answer is, it seems, two-fold: A lack of adequate self-government and, more importantly, an environment that fails to support basic physiology and encourages sensory overload. If it feels difficult in much of mainstream culture to function, you are not mistaken.
This is part of a longer discussion, but here I offer a practical nugget. It’s certainly not going to appeal to everyone, but I have found opting out of patterned clothing can be wonderfully calming. I have long eschewed words printed on clothes. A compulsive lover of words, if the dining room wall displays the word “EAT,” I will read it over, and over, and over. The thought of seeing words on my children and knowing there are words on my person is exhausting to me. It’s also so dismally casual. You can wear inexpensive, secondhand clothes that look nice simply by their lack of words.
If you like your event T-shirts and sloganed merch, have at it. For me, words are too loud (visually, that is). But, I noticed, as my wardrobe contracted to a sad sea of gray, that something was off. What was it? Patterns have come to exhaust me. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy them on other people, and some people do them very well. There is an art to selecting a bold print and pairing it with other textures and colors. It can be glorious!
However, it takes focus. You have to think about how you create one of these eye-catching ensembles. It seemed that my retreat to a drab, gray world was in the clothing department was due in part to the elimination of garish floral patterns. There is grand romance in an understated floral print. Chintz furniture can charm. But, boy, are there some ugly floral prints on the market. Swaths of synthetic material blasted with grotesque blooms and unnatural colors. As other areas of life expanded, my patience for distasteful patterns contracted.
But gray is not an acceptable response. There is a way to achieve color without prints: solid colors. If you are looking for only solid color shirts, skirts, and dresses, you immediately reduce the clothing you need to consider. Within the remaining pieces, if you select only natural or close to natural fibers, further drastic elimination. Then, within what remains, nix colors that don’t suit you. Once you glance at the price and eliminate what is out of range, the shopping practically does itself.
But won’t you be left with few items to wear? Almost certainly. However, if you call it a “uniform,” a “capsule wardrobe,” or “minimalism,” you get to celebrate simplicity instead of mourn the loss of options you did not want.
I heard a woman explain that she wore the same dress every day for a month. She worked in an office and saw many people regularly through the weeks. She’d put a sweater over the dress for certain locations and wore the dress plain everywhere else. The result? No one seemed to notice, and no one commented.
A uniform of solid and dependable color can give both inner calm and soothe the eyes. If you suffer from sensory overload on occasion like the poor child screaming uncontrollably, give it a try.
