When a woman begins a sentence with the words “the feminist in me,” a statement that is uncivil, inhumane, and unhelpful is sure to follow. And yet, overt “feminism” has come to be a sine qua non of a civilized person. Men and women of every political stripe are quick to identify as “feminist” as a code for nice, committed to the betterment of women, egalitarian ideals, and not being mean.
At a typical suburban library, mothers gather with children to meet the local “firefighters.” Not firemen because civilized people have ensured the demise of such sexist language. On this day, the local fire department has provided two female firefighters to the great delight of enlightened women everywhere. The mothers on every side are practically salivating at the teaching opportunity.
Pupils dilating, they turn to their offspring expressing the slightest hint of surprise. Gleefully they demand, “What? Did you think they were going to be men?” “Did you think the firefighters would be men like daddy?” On every side a short diatribe erupts: “Women can be doctors; women can be firefighters; women can do anything!”
These kinds of platitudes are the nursery rhymes of 21st century childhood. The idea is ubiquitous that girls will be disadvantaged at every turn, that physical and biological realities have no bearing on profession or family roles, and that women can do whatever they want. In this environment, the minutest hint from a three-year-old that exclusively female firefighters are contrary to expectation is viewed as a threat that must be neutralized.
And yet, these are not agents of the patriarchy. These are not indoctrinated people in need of enlightenment. These are the children of the very women tut-tutting their ignorance. Ironically, these “Smash the patriarchy” t-shirt wearing women have chosen to forgo professional careers to raise their own children and then are offended at the slightest suggestion that their own children, of whom they are presumably the primary educators, are not yet thorough-going feminists.
These same children are subjected to endless discussion of women’s virtues while the men in their lives are emotionally castrated. The men who manage to support a family on a single income in a dual-income economy are treated like superfluous oafs.
Of course, that is the one class of people besides their own children upon whom women unleash their savage feminist aggression: the fathers of said children. Men are routinely and publicly berated for such unforgivable sins as not washing enough dishes and not keeping track of the minutia of household management, now dramatically called “emotional labor” and the “mental load.”
In this make-believe world invented by feminists, husbands and fathers are now “partners” and “co-parents.” On this new supposedly even playing field, women’s generally nurturing tendencies put them at a significant advantage in the invented category of “parenthood.”
The descriptor that almost invariably arising when a woman is discussing her angst with children and work is “type A.” “I’m a type A personality”; “I’ve always been very type A”; etc. Almost without fail, the women most vocal about the cloying misery of modern motherhood are the ones who were heretofore in life ostensibly most successful.
Perhaps it’s worth considering if one can be inherently “type A.” By type A people tend to mean straight As in school, loads of extra-curriculars, neat closet, control freak. These are traits strongly shaped by the reward systems of modern education. The same women who describe themselves as type A tend to make the claim, “I’m just not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom,” with the implicit assumption that some women spring from the earth more patient, nurturing, and boring and can handle the tedious work of raising small children.
However, again, it’s worth looking at the role of formation. If the first birth you attend besides your own is the birth of your first child and the first baby you hold is the baby delivered in that moment, how could anyone expect you to know how to manage the tasks of motherhood without a great deal of practice? Some women grew up in big families or met several babies yet still have the type A aversion to motherhood. At least they have the advantage of half a clue once they are there compared with the many women who enter motherhood blind.
Maybe there is wisdom in the practice of western civilization encouraging women to tap into their “type B.” Maybe it wasn’t just foul and hateful misogyny that infected Scripture with the notion that wives should be subordinate to their husbands. The key is choosing the man or having a family with good enough sense and virtue to select a decent husband who truly strives to be subordinate to Christ.
And here is the place where feminism has succeeded in making women most miserable of all.
Perhaps it’s not some insane retrograde notion to teach girls to be more discerning with men whose desires they should not presume to understand. It seems far better to challenge women to seek and inspire men of virtue than to delude her into thinking she can marry any cad off the street and assume she can institute an egalitarian regime. This plan is unwise given that the man is likely physically stronger. If you want your daughter to seek out beta males and abusers, tell her that she is always in charge. If you want her to have a healthy family, encourage her to learn discernment and obedience, that challenging virtue to which every Christian is called.
In a show of normalcy, when the firetruck arrived for picture-taking, the captain was a man. One boy came dressed in his fireman’s costume and seemed particularly pleased by examining the equipment and instruments aboard the firetruck. Notice, none of the girls came similarly attired or took such relish in the firetruck.
Since we live in this insane age where such disclaimers are now necessary: Yes, there could be a girl who dresses as a firefighter. This is an outlier. Demanding that children view girls in firefighter costumes and women as firefighters as the norm is contrary to reality. The fact that so many mothers have difficulty recognizing this should make us question the feminist air we have come to breath. Is this the only “civilized” way?
At a time when women—and men—are being deprived of the tools for legitimate self-government, the virtues, women are being told they should be in charge. On your next trip to the public library, perhaps it’s worth questioning that assumption.
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