Everywhere I have lived, I have found continual delight in a rare type of person: the mother who reads. There are oodles of them, if you know where to look! As usual, this statement warrants the sad disclaimer of our day and age: romance novels do not qualify as bona fide reading material. Filth will not elevate the mind or lead the heart to sing. When a woman proclaims proudly that she read 50 books in the past year and then notes that they were all romance novels, she is not a reader.
But there are women—including mothers of young children, old children, everyone in between—who read stacks of books each year—actual books. Many mothers describe their time away from the full-time workforce with young ones as an opportunity to read more, a description that mystifies many who assume that there isn’t a minute of the day to yourself for something so frivolous as reading while homemaking and childrearing.
How is it that some mothers sacrifice a solid decade or two of reading with a shrug that there simply isn’t time and others expand their minds through the classics in between the daily demands of life with young children? It was after witnessing multiple mothers read “The Brothers Karamazov” for fun that I was struck by a development of skill that is rare. How do some mothers become such cultured and committed bookworms? Here are a few key takeaways:
Join a Book Club
There is no easier way to uplevel your reading life than surrounding yourself with readers. After all, iron sharpens iron. Wherever I’ve lived, there have been book clubs to join. If you ask around through churches, libraries, and neighborhoods, you can find one. Not all book clubs are created equal; some have sorely underwhelming reading lists. But trying a few will at least get you into the habit of reading.
For a good annual book list and national community of reading mothers, the Well Read Mom is an invaluable resource. Far from making you feel guilty and ashamed for not reading, a good group of reading mothers will open your eyes to the far-reaching benefits of reading while caring for children. Developing your interior world through stories and ideas can make your mothering richer, calmer, and more meaningful. Seeing these effects in real-time on mothers you meet with in-person can inspire reading.
Let Delight Be Your Guide
Discern what true delight is. Yes, some people claim that romance novels will suck you in, but they will leave you empty. If you want to read deeply and widely from the bounty of human thought and storytelling, you are looking for enjoyment that nourishes you on the journey of life.
It’s unrealistic after months or years without reading full-length books to think that you will successfully dive into “The Brothers K” without a hitch. Whether or not you’re in a book club, you might not finish all the books you start at first. But if you consistently try good books, books that have stood the test of time and which people of cultivated good taste recommend, it is likely that something will compel you to finish a good book. In a life of so many Sisyphean loops, that conclusion is deeply satisfying, only made bittersweet by having to leave the cast of characters that have given you so much delight. Your day for “The Brothers K” will come (I’m ashamed to admit, I’m still waiting on my day with that classic. Many days with the first several chapters, but the will to finish has not yet arrived.); start with something that you truly enjoy.
Discipline Your Phone Use
With a smartphone in hand, you are unlikely to read. This description of habits I found a wonderful illustration: Imagine you are in the pathless woods. If you walk the same way day after day, you will wear a path into the untamed forest floor. That will then be the easiest way to go, and you will likely continue along that path unless something external disrupts you.
What a metaphor for our habits! If, each day like clockwork, the baby’s nap signals you to pick up your phone and look at other people’s pictures, this becomes a well-worn path that will be taken without question for its ease and familiarity. In order to change your pattern of behavior, there will need to be a conscious choice to disrupt what is most comfortable. Learning to substitute books for the phone in lulls throughout the day and before bed will, no exaggeration, change your life.
Go Everywhere with a Book
Never leave the house without a book. I’ve heard from many mothers who make sustained progress in the carpool line, at playgrounds, and waiting for sports.
Neglect Chores for the Good of Everyone’s Soul
Many of the mothers I know who read the most are not neatniks. There might be dust bunnies under the sofa and the baseboards have not been scrubbed in years. Having children around the house (or even just having an empty house to look after), you could ceaselessly do chores and still have more to do. Putting defined limits on homemaking allows for the possibility of reading time. Many women struggle with the seemingly indulgent decision to sit down and read a book when there is more to do. But that’s just it: there is always more to do.
This isn’t about jeopardizing the health of everyone in your household; basic hygiene remains necessary. Beyond simple systems to manage the daily throughflows of household management, you may want to hold some aspects of homemaking with a loose hand. Could one tidy at the end of the day replace an endless picking up after an exploring toddler? Could you forego extensive seasonal décor in favor of more versatile furnishings? Does your five-year-old need to have access to drastically fewer clothing options to lighten your (laundry) load? These are personal questions of prudence, but if you do not make time to read, you miss a valuable opportunity to impart a reading life to your children.
It can be tempting to see homemaking as merely the care for physical bodies and stuff. But isn’t it so much more? The care of souls; yes, souls who are embodied and have physical needs but not merely physical needs.
Some Closing Thoughts
I’ve written enough about my favorite quote from Brenda Ueland, but who can resist revisiting a favorite quotation? In her 1938 book, “If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence, and Spirit,” Ueland includes a chapter titled, “Why women who do too much housework should neglect it for their writing.” She offers the sound observation:
For to teach, encourage, cheer up, console, amuse, stimulate or advise a husband or children or friends, you must be something yourself. And how to be something yourself? Only by working hard and with gumption at something you love and care for and think is important.
So if you want your children to be musicians, then work at music yourself, seriously and with all your intelligence. If you want them to be scholars, study hard yourself. And so it goes.
And that is why I would say to the worn and hectored mother who longed to write and could find not a minute for it: If you would shut your door against the children for an hour a day and say: “Mother is working on her five-act tragedy in blank verse!” you would be surprised how they would respect you. They would probably all become playwrights.
Reading good books is not another unrealistic goal to add the list of things you “should” do; it’s a balm to a weary soul, meditations for an active mind while your hands work, and a reminder of the meaning of all the moments that make up a day. To understand how some mothers find the time to continue reading, join a book club and keep an eye out for the lady thumbing through “Middlemarch” at the park or blitzing through Dostoevsky in the after school car line.
